NEW YEAR ~ 2015

I can’t believe it is 2015 – THE YEAR I WILL TURN FORTY, TRAVEL TO ITALY and so many other amazing things…

CHILDREN: my oldest daughter will turn sixteen this year and get her driver’s license.  I am still in shock that she has grown up so fast.  I pray for her to remember to call upon God for all of her needs; this commitment will make her life so much easier.

FRIENDSHIP: my life has taken a turn in a direction I didn’t think it would ever go.  I have the most amazing friends in my life, helping lead me to figuring out who I am and reminding me that is okay to be just that.  I am forever thankful and pray that God blesses them all because of the unconditional love they have bestowed upon me.

BUSINESS: my career is about to take off.  I have planted so many seeds and am looking forward to watching them bloom into amazing opportunities, bearing profitable fruit.  I pray God will help keep me focused throughout the entire process.

TRAVEL: all of my efforts have led me to the travel my heart so desires.  I have wanted to make the voyage to Italy for as long as I can remember.  I believe all of my hard-earned life lessons have helped lead me to this moment in my life.  I finally have the self-confidence I need to go for it.

God be with me.

Happy New Year!
A~

Happy Half-Birthday To Me!

I can’t believe that I am 39 1/2 today. In exactly 6 months I will be in Milan, Italy setting off on one of the greatest adventures of my life. It seems impossible that I’ve made it this far. The time is going by so fast. I have made so many plans in consideration of the process that I would go through leading up to this trip, that I have yet to complete. I made goals that I haven’t accomplished and promises that I haven’t kept, yet am at peace with it all. I am accepting the fact that I can only do my best each and every day and on some days my best is pure awesomeness, and on other days my best is an embarrassment.

I am learning to not be ashamed of my short-comings. I set huge goals and they are hard to achieve, but I like living like this! I would much rather make promises of amazing accomplishments and great success to myself and come up short, than to never dream. I do not want to except less than everything I am capable of in my life. I want to strive for my set goals and when needed, fail at accomplishing them. The process makes me whole.

I have fallen flat on my face, so to speak, so many times in the past 39 1/2 years. I have laughed and cried through it all because I am truly living. I am out there. I am alive. And people are taking notice.

The next 6 months are going to be amazing for many reasons. First and foremost, God is with me. I am also surrounded by friends that love me and make me better daily.  And, my children are paying close attention to see if I can do all that I need to do for myself and still find the time to love them. It’s not easy. I want to work, plan, write, build relationships; make my way in this life! But, without taking the time to be with God, care for my health and the needs of my beautiful daughters first, my best laid plans may never see the light of day.

May God lead us all to the light…and me to Italy in 181 days.  xo

Gateway

I wake up each day with a sigh of relief and a prayer of thanks in my heart.  My mind always contains a long list of desires that I hope to accomplish in the blessing of another day here on Earth.  Some days, I am so overwhelmed by the possibilities that I lay quietly and cry.  The powerful feeling of hope, brought on by the opportunity for another chance to succeed, is the fuel that lights my fire.  My gateway to life is open and all I have to do is get out of bed to receive it.

As soon as my feet hit the ground, I am on the go.  Raising my children is an adventure in it’s self.  My life of details is one that, in the moment seems impossible at times, but in the end I know I will never regret.  My girls rock my world and I am forever changed for the better because I am their mother.

My work is diverse and something I love…LOVE…to do!  I joke that I will work all of my days.  Why would I retire when I am having so much fun?  I am challenged every day and have the opportunity to meet people, build relationships and solve problems.  Sales has always been my niche and I love that I am able to do it and do it well.  My desire to help my clients is what funds my passions…ITALY included!

My friends are the best!  The people that love me for who I am, no matter what crazy ideas I come up with.  The people that set out on a series of adventures because they care too much for me to allow me to do it alone.  The people who pray for me at night because they know I am lonely at times and want the best for me.  I couldn’t do it without a little help from my friends.

My gateway to life, handed to me by God, is something so precious and fragile that I want to hold onto it forever.  I am not done yet!  I still have too many things that I want to do.  I have too much love to share, too many adventures to be had and too many people to lift up.  I want to be hugely successful in this life, so I can giveback some of the light that fills my heart and spirit, allowing others to do and feel the same.

The gateway to heaven is right here on Earth.  I pray to stay and walk through the gateway of opportunity and do what is right and good.  I have 299 days to go until 40 years old; 6 decades, 9 months, 3 weeks and 5 days until 100 years old.  I better keep busy, getting busy.  I hope the same for you.  xo

 

 

 

 

Shine

Have you ever meet someone who shines?  I am sure it is just their energy but I have noticed that in some, it can be overwhelmingly bright.  I have one particular friend like that…super shiny and in turn, the most inspiring person I have ever met.

I love the challenge that is presented to me when I am with them.  I am always attempting to be the best that I can be around them.  I find myself standing up straight, always trying to put my best foot forward and desiring to shine as bright as they do.  I am not sure it is possible to duplicate such a phenomenon but I sure do want to try.

Imagine if we all had someone like this in our lives.  Making us accountable for our actions and making our efforts that much more important.  The world would benefit from it.  I believe there would be less war and unresolved conflict and empathy for all, that in today’s society we are sadly lacking.

I challenge each and everyone to find a person that shines so bright that at times, it hurts.  I challenge that you hold onto them and allow them to help you shine.  Travel to the far reaches of the Earth to find them or better yet, start looking in your town or neighborhood.  Or, if you are truly blessed, they may be in your home.

We all are incredible energy sources.  It is time to allow ourselves the freedom to shine, in order to allow others to do the same.  It is contagious and feels incredible. I beg of you to try and try again because without a wholehearted effort, our world’s light will go out and we just can’t take that chance.

Live well, try hard and pray for the light.

Wtf?

Wow, time flys!

Don’t make promises you don’t have the capacity to keep.

398 days until I’m forty and I promise to keep trying to be my best me.

…and get myself to Italy!! xo

*Batman drawing courtesy of the internet. I have no idea who drew it but I love it and wish I could give the bad-ass artist credit.

Recycling

 

In honor of our beloved Earth and my commitment to it year round, I am going to discuss my recycling efforts.  One solution to Earth’s problems is for humans to quit manufacturing so much trash, but our industrialized societies and consumer driven economies make it nearly impossible for us to stop.  It would take a huge collective of consumers to demand less wasteful packaging from all companies that they spend their money with, for change in the marketplace to take effect and make a global difference. People would have to realize that their dollars speak for them. What we spend our money on is tracked and calculated in more ways than most of us can imagine.  Our dollars truly matter and shape our future.

Another solution to Earth’s problems is for humans to start cleaning up after themselves.  I hike or walk daily and am disgusted with the waste I see on the streets.  I have taken to carrying gloves and a trash bag, so that I may pick up trash on the paths I travel.  If everyone were to do the same out of self-respect and admiration for mother nature, we wouldn’t have the water pollution issues that we face.

A more practical solution to Earth’s problems is for humans to start recycling everything.  I have always encouraged recycling in all forms. Pre-cycling is really the most effective way of reducing our carbon-footprint but as stated above, it can be difficult.  Recycling is a must for everything else.  I have taken to collecting all of my plastic and glass, and the plastic and glass from friends and neighbors, in hopes of raising money for my trip to Italy.

One way or another, I am trying to do better for this beautiful planet that we live on. Educate, reduce, reuse, recycle.

 

Days and Days and Days…

How significant are we in the vast cosmos?  Is Earth so special?  Do we as a life-form on Earth offer anything worthy of cosmic notice? I wonder…

I am an average human-being.  For my many faults, I have many attributes that help even things out.  I find that I have to try incredibly hard to manage my time.  The days just seem to race by, as if I am traveling at the speed of a thousand miles per hour like Earth.  I have more hopes and dreams than I can possibly encompass into my time here on Earth.  I pray that my spirit and determination will see me though many of them.  I want to believe that my time here matters and that my efforts were worthy of notice.  

I want to travel across Earth, so that I may walk the streets that others have walked for centuries.  I know throughout time many have looked up at the stars and wondered if their lives matter.  We all tend to wonder if we are noticed in our communities, states and nations.  Some of us even wonder if the planet or our universe will take notice. Could the cosmos and the heavens know who we are? Are my collection of cells worthy of the attention?

I do have a lot to offer.  Haven’t you noticed? xo          

A Mother’s Gift

When I decided to become a mother, I truly had no idea of what I was getting myself into.  My first daughter born was a gift from the heavens.  I was young, unwed and completely unprepared to care of anyone other than myself but I went for it anyway.

I cannot put into words how difficult it was to bear my first born.  As a type-one diabetic, I had to commit one hundred percent to doing exactly what I was supposed to do to care for myself.  Without this earnest commitment, I would not be able to care for my unborn baby.  I attended hospital visits weekly and followed my food and insulin regiment as prescribed.  The daily process of dealing with my disease was harder than ever with my daughter growing fast inside of me.  My hormones would change hourly affecting my blood sugars and I had a few terrible low-blood sugar episodes.  I was toxic towards the end of my pregnancy and my angel was born two weeks early.  She arrived absolutely perfect.  Ten fingers, ten toes and the cutest ears you have ever seen.

My gift to my first born is a gift that keeps on giving.  Since the day I found out I was blessed with her soul, I have been doing my best to do right by her.  I want her to live and live well.  I had no idea that pulling that off would be such a hard thing to do.

I believe my upcoming trip to Italy will ground me after 15 years of raising her and I am hoping that being in Italy will bring me closer to God and remind me of the beauty that motherhood is.

xo~

Cancer

The American Cancer Society hosts a 24-hour event called the RELAY FOR LIFE in neighborhoods across the USA.  I went to my first RELAY years ago, after my very good friend was taken out of this world by cancer. I enjoyed the day celebrating the cancer survivors and remembering my friend.  It wasn’t until sunset that I realized truly how many people are affected by cancer.

Luminary bags are sold as a fundraiser at the event.  You can purchase them and decorate them in honor or in memory of someone with cancer. The Relay Committee then places them around the track, so that all participants may view them as they walk.  I decorated a few bags my first year and have every year since.  My list of bags needed is sadly, very long. I lost my dear friend, Deirdre and my great-grandfather to cancer. My grandfather battled with colon cancer, and I even have a beautiful friend that is currently fighting colon cancer.  This same beautiful friend, my ex-mother-in-law, an Aunt of mine and countless other friends fought breast cancer.  I grew up in Southern California and have many friends over 40 now fighting skin cancer.  I even have a non-smoking church friend who recently passed away fighting off lung cancer.  Needless to say, there are always a lot of luminary bags surrounding the track and when the sun sets, everything changes.

A candle is placed in every bag and is lit at sunset.  The bags illuminate the track as the names of people who are currently fighting cancer and have died fighting cancer are read.  I live in a very small town. We have only have 35,000 residents, which is not much compared to other surrounding cities.  My throat started to close up as the name reading kept going on and on and on.  The names on the pages were so many.  As the reading of all of those names concluded, I was changed forever.

I have put my poor body through some things I care not to mention and I know my diabetes could come into play when I consider my odds of getting the dreaded diagnosis of cancer.  I tremble as I type the words, as I am terrified of the thought.  But I know that I can not let my fear of my possible future stop me from living in the moment of today.  The names on the pages inspire me every year to do better, try harder and to continue to go for it. They also remind me to relax and smell the roses.  The names shout out to me to dance and sing, and travel.  To try new foods and experiences whenever possible.  The names tell me to dream and to believe in the future; for it is bright and available to me now.  I must go for it all, with the names on those pages in my head and in my heart.

I encourage you to participate in your local RELAY FOR LIFE or come to ours! Everyone is invited. xo

I got busy, getting busy!

My dear blog has been left out.  I allowed my lack of sleep, the love I feel for my children and my incredibly long TO DO list keep me from doing what I promised myself I would do daily.  My commitment to others is true and trustworthy, yet I continually let the promises I make to myself go.  I wonder why we, as a society, put so much merit into fulfilling tasks as we do, each and every day?  Is it all that important?

I know that my sleep is important.  When I am rested, I feel well and able. Sleeping alone is something that has taken me longer to get used to than I expected. I miss having a body in my bed, offering me warmth and security through the night.  I am getting used to being alone.  I am just not sure I like it.

I am positive that the love I feel for my children is important.  My daughters are on Spring Break and I have done everything in my power to direct my attention to them.  I have worked hard to listen and respond when expected to do so.  Just the other day, my youngest explained to me that, “Stress is taking the best of us”.  Her words were profound in the moment.  I took to heart what she said and in doing so, have had to keep my phone tucked away and my computer in its case.  They need me being with them, not just being around them.  It is hard to do but I decided to make the time and effort.  I have planned and participated in fun activities all week and have loved every minute of it. I even got lucky and a superhero-friend of mine gave us tickets to Disneyland ~ The Happiest Place on Earth!  Or so they say, I haven’t traveled to Italy just yet.  All I know is that my time with my daughters has truly been magical.  

My impending TO DO LIST is a whole other matter of importance.  I so badly want to do well by it! I want to succeed and accomplish great things! I want to make a lot of money so that I may be able to give back!  I want to travel and go on adventures!  I want to follow my hopes and dreams!  I want, I want, and what is it that I need?  I need to care for myself, so I may care for others.  I need to write.  I need to exercise and eat well.  I need to monitor my diabetes.  I need to fight for justice.  I need to educate.  I need to laugh and love whenever possible. I need to do what makes me happy.  I believe the money-making and great accomplishments will follow once my needs are met.  And truly, our hopes and dreams are important. Without them, what’s the point?

*452 days and counting…Italy, here I come!  xo